Using SpaceX numbers and Space Launch Report estimates for those missing, here are the key parameters for the active Falcon 9 Block 5:
- Merlin atmosphere optimised sea level ISP: 283s
- Merlin atmosphere optimised sea level thrust: 845kN
- Merlin vacuum optimised ISP: 348s
- Merlin vacuum optimised ISP thrust: 934kN
- Stage 1 dry mass: 27.2 tonnes
- Stage 1 total mass: 445.9 tonnes
- Stage 2 dry mass: 4.5 tonnes
- Stage 2 total mass: 116.0 tonnes
For a payload, since the purpose is to compare to terrestrial vehicles, I'm assuming a typical car of 1.5 tonnes.
Since this is a "spherical cow" question, I'm also ignoring drag, which would otherwise be somewhat notable while travelling at multiple km/s at sea level.
From these numbers, the acceleration at 4 relevant points for both configurations are directly available (assuming no throttling):
- Stage 1 ignition SL|Vac: 13.5m/s² | 14.9m/s²
- Stage 1 burnout SL|Vac: 52.6m/s² | 58.1m/s²
- Stage 2 ignition SL|Vac: 6.45m/s² | 7.13m/s²
- Stage 2 burnout SL|Vac: 140.8m/s² | 155.7m/s² (throttling looks like a good idea here though...)
Since the Falcon doesn't stay at constant atmospheric pressure for the whole flight, for the purpose of the question the burn times have to be re-calculated:
$$T_{burn} = \frac{m_{propellant}\cdot I_{SP}\cdot g_0}{F_{thrust}}$$
Which for the relevant configurations yield:
- Stage 1 sea level: 153s
- Stage 1 vacuum: 170s
- Stage 2 sea level: 366s
- Stage 2 vacuum: 408s
Furthermore, the total velocity change for each stage is required, as given by the rocket equation:
$$\Delta v = \ln\left(\frac{m_1}{m_0}\right)\cdot I_{SP}\cdot g_0$$
($m_0$ is payload + stage 1 dry mass + stage 2 mass for the first stage, payload + stage 2 dry mass for the second stage)
- Stage 1 sea level: 3,770m/s
- Stage 1 vacuum: 4,640m/s
- Stage 2 sea level: 8,260m/s
- Stage 2 vacuum: 10,160m/s
- Sea level total: 12,030m/s
- Vacuum total: 14,800m/s
Then we have enough values to get average acceleration:
- Stage 1 sea level average: 24.6m/s²
- Stage 1 vacuum average: 27.3m/s²
- Stage 2 sea level average: 22.6m/s²
- Stage 2 vacuum average: 24.9m/s²
- Full rocket sea level average: 23.2m/s²
- Full rocket vacuum average: 25.6m/s²